ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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