this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
