When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
