Kiss
Puke
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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