I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
