in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
