Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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