i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
