So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
