We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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