In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
