I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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