I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
