Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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