At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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