Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
