after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
