Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
