I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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