he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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