the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
