Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's the barista slut.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
