I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
