She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize