Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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