dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
