what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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