Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
