I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
