I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Fuck appropriateness.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
