whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
