I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
