That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
