It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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