i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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