haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
