we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
