Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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