i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
