He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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