oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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