Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm like, not good at living.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
