everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
