still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
