I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
