I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
