she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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