My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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