I look better un-naked...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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