so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
