i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
