I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
