FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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